Yours Spiritually

Ever since I’ve woken up to the consciousness of myself I have always curiously questioned the ways of the world. Of course all along I’ve had stories from the Bible answering my many questions. But being an inquisitive, scientific person, very argumentative by nature, it really is a hard job convincing me. About anything. So how did everything we’re living in come into existence? God created it all. Sure he did. But where is God? I’d love to meet him, I’ve often thought to myself at those Sunday School classes (Bible study classes that Christian children attend).

And hence the concept of religion is one I have a huge question mark in my mind about. But that would require a dedicated, full fledged post by itself. What I want to talk about here however is, Spirituality - a word that is today overly used since each of us seem to have our own ways of defining it.

So what is spirituality for me? For me it is about setting up a personal belief system for myself. It could be anything, there are no pre defined rules or ways of practicing it. Spirituality is what comes to the rescue of people like my self who are lost and confused in the big world of religion. The way I see it if you want to be religious, you must be able to follow everything that a particular religion preaches. If you can pick and choose what you want to believe in and only practice what you feel suits you, then wouldn’t the very purpose of religion be defeated?

Hence spirituality.

If there is anything that you do with the discipline that it requires, and it breeds self-development giving you pure happiness and gratification, that might just be your spiritual object. And spirituality is the relationship that you, the subject have with this object. For me, for example, it’s writing. There is a serene kind of peacefulness and joy that I experience when I put things down in writing. My ability to express my self through words is I feel, one of my most passionate powers. It could be anything from simply putting down words on a greeting card to putting together the feature article for my magazine before the deadline, to this, the rather infrequent postings on my blog about things I personally feel for. There’s probably one person out there who actually reads this. Despite all that, writing gives me a sense of self actualization, which most people feel their religion gives them.

Writing is my tool of self purification, of contact with a feeling above and beyond other normal feelings. For someone else it could be the music they are involved in. For a dancer, it could be his dance. Being keenly interested and trained in both music and dance I completely understand the divinity in terms of the feeling, of them both. For an artist, her paintings. What I’m trying to say is that spirituality does not necessarily have to be related to religion. If it’s a film maker’s film that gives him/her the divine satisfaction, so be it.

It’s as simple as this – if you can attain peace with yourself and others through your ways of self-expression, in whatever form, with self-discipline, that is spirituality for you. You don’t need to go searching for a definition or live with notions in your head of it (spirituality) being an extreme, out of the world feeling that will literally blow your mind away. Coz for all you know you are probably living it and you don’t know because you are not giving it, or your gift of self-expression the due credit they deserve.

I'm too sexy for my age!

Age is a mindset. And I can almost hear you yell at me and grumble about the meaninglessness of that statement. All I have to say is fine then, you can go on to live thinking that with every year that passes by, your bones are getting weaker, and that your system is going to give way soon. You can go on to sulk at every strand of white hair that you find on your head. You can keep increasing the length of that list of things that you should stop doing because you are not young anymore. You can also continue to look at your birthday as a sad day instead of a happy one. Go on. Let your age bring you down!

But why? Why would you do that? What’s in the number anyway? You could be 15 or 50 and still be the same person. Not that I know what it is like when you are 50 but I strongly believe you can be the same person by spirit, IF you come to terms with the fact that age is only a mindset. You are only as old as you think you are.

Being at the early 20’s stage of my life I am often appalled by statements like, ‘Oh God, we’re getting old’, ‘I don’t think that suits me anymore..too old for it’, ‘Gone are those days when we could just chill’, ‘From now on I only want to shop for things that fit in to my working-woman schedule’… Stop it. For starters, stop saying such things. The more you say these things, the more they start to feel like the truth. Stop dwelling on the thought that you are getting older because by doing so you are spreading negative energy to yourself and to the people around you. People around you will start treating you like an old person and even worse, you will start feeling way older than what you actually are.

Age should motivate you to achieve your dreams and not be constant reminders of how little time you have left. At the risk of sounding cliché I’m going to say that there is no age limit to anything. Sometimes things need to be put as simply as that. You can be whatever you want to be whenever you want. If you are sticking by something now just coz of certain priorities, don’t worry. Who said this is it? You have your whole life in front of you to do whatever else you have planned out.

So unleash yourself from age barriers and bring on the youthfulness. Raise the bar of things-you-can-do-when-you-are-22. Let people look at you and wonder how old you are because you are so passionately not ‘acting’ your age. And my last, most favourite advice, Laugh. Your body does not know if you are faking it or not.. and it helps you live longer.

You mean the World

We think we know who are the people in our lives that are going to stick (forever?), until a ‘fall-out’ happens with one of the persons we thought was going to be a constant in our life. This fall-out certainly does not wipe out all the past times during which this person may have been a strong part of our life… when he/she stood by us through our roughest patches and…. They all still stand. Because while it lasted, it was good. So let’s not cry that it’s (probably) over but smile that it happened.

But on that positive note I can’t help but question what does such a fall-out hold for the future? We cannot, however egoistic or least expecting of people we might be, not cringe at the thought of that. After all, this person was special and that is to begin with, the only reason we care so much. Would I care so much if such a thing happened with an acquaintance? Hell No.

But what can you do if the person stops talking to you once and for all, without giving you a reason? And what if at that point after the fall-out you learn new things about the person you held so dearly in your life? Things like, all along the person was intimidated by the very person you are. How can a matter so intense not have come up before? Or is apparent friend bringing it up now just coz he/she is running out of reasons to explain the scenario that caused the fall-out? How was such a deep relationship formed in the first place if the person had such issues with WHO you are?

We might never know. And like I said when I started off, in such situations we must just be happy with what ever it was that we had with the person. This takes great tolerance I know but keep telling yourself that it was good when it lasted... and that it left you with a whole bunch of beautiful memories. Make peace with yourself.

Because such is life. Such are people. Strange circumstances cause people to act in strange ways. People could be full of lies and nonsense on a day. Everyone has their bad days. Although most civil people would care to explain themselves the next day, don’t feel deceived if they don’t. Not everybody is civil. But for every person in your life who brings you down and makes you feel hated and betrayed, there is another person who makes you feel like you mean the world to them. And as you get through life with people walking in and out of it…you still know deep down inside of you that there is at least one person out there who will stick forever; and be the constant. Such reassurance is liberating.

Care to be Shallow?

Why are we trying to prove to people that we are not shallow? Why are we trying so hard? It is perfectly fine to accept that looks matter. It is. I will in fact have a lot of respect for you if you make such a comment. Simply because, such honesty is like a breath of fresh air. In a world where everyone is trying to define their personal beliefs for themselves, in such a way that it does not hurt the sentiments of a hundred other people…and live life in ways that will keep everyone happy, when I unexpectedly come by someone who can make such a comment with effortless simplicity it really is like a breath of fresh air.

It is the looks that make a first impression since it is the first (and the only) thing that is out there for others to see. I am not discrediting the power of facial expressions or body language; I am just saying that these things are secondary. The first thing you see about a person are the looks. Come on, get down to accepting that already!

You may want to say a million things like- you don’t decide if he is a good or bad person by his looks, you don’t decide if he is a snob or not, you don’t decide if he is smart or not, etc. So you are right. I really hope you don’t do any of that coz that would just be unfair. No body said that looks are the be all and end all. But looks are what we first base our normal human judgments of other people on. Very often after getting to know the person, our impressions change. These changes could be for better or for worse…but it still all comes down to the fact that to begin with, the looks were what you noticed first. And during that brief period of time when you did not know the person, you made a few mental notes of what he seems like BASED on the looks.

Attraction is directly or inversely proportional to how one looks. When you find someone good looking, that’s the first thing that gets you attracted to the person. Many relationships have been built on the foundation of looks. As much as you say that you want ‘man who treats you right’ or ‘man who understands your shortcomings’ or ‘man who has 5 bedrooms’, the truth is that you only start thinking of a (prospective) man at all, after Stage: Attraction (i.e. after you are convinced he is good looking). Here I’d like to add good looking according to your standards. If you think he is good looking that’s enough. There is no need to convince the world about it.

If you are in a relationship and want to argue with me by telling me that your boyfriend is not good looking yet you are with him, I’m not going to believe you. Because I’m going to believe that he is good looking according to YOU and that’s why YOU are with him; it’s just that other people may not think he is, and hence you say that. If you are going to argue saying that you’re boyfriend is too good for you and if it was about looks he would definitely find some one better…I’m just going to ask you to shut up and pull up you’re self esteem. Also wake up, I think it is about time you realized that YOU ARE your boyfriend’s-type-of good looking! If you are just going to say that it never was about looks for you and your boyfriend, I’m sorry I think you are lying to me. And to yourself.

Any other arguments please bring them on!

Yes beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. But do not dishonour the eyes for the indispensable role they play.

Go For It.

We think we are so many things. Fact is we can be all the things we want to be. But the fact also is, there are many things we live in a bubble of thinking we are, only to find out we're not.

Before diving into the world of 'work', the way I saw myself- the passionate, obsessive and compulsive sort, I knew I would be a workaholic when someday my work life would begin. But turns out, I'm not quite what I thought I was. And I found out the hard way. But there's this sweetness in finding out things the hard way...a sense of glory you feel because you found out on your own.

I read somewhere that human beings are the only living beings who have the ability to learn from other's experiences. True. We can be spoken to, told the right and wrong ways of doing things, learn from other's mistakes, learn from other's achievements... But what if some of us want to learn from our own mistakes? What if for some of us learning the hard way IS the only way the lesson sticks? What if for some of us we would rather hurt ourselves finding out the 'bad' way than by plainly seeing and hearing?

Consider this,
X: I made a mistake, and that's why I'm pushing you so hard...because I don't want you to make the same mistake.
Y: There you go. Maybe I'm just like you. I'll only learn if I make the mistake myself.
X: But I didn't know better then and I do now. That's why I'm telling you...
Y: I don't know any better now. But I will if I make the same mistake...let me make it. Let me find out on my own.

And anyway why do people mostly assume that we will make the same mistake they made? Maybe we can do things differently, maybe we will come out successful from something that someone else failed in and maybe, we might learn a completely different lesson from what someone else learned. So isn't it worth a shot?

We will be told the right ways of doing things. We will be told how to do things in ways that would hurt us the least... Let them tell, it's their duty to tell. It's also part of a responsibility of the role they play in our lives. At the end, it's always our choice, what we want to do and how we want to do it. If learning from your own experience is your kind of thing, Go For It.

Training the mind

'I will NEVER....' It's a line we say so often. Although most of the time we might not really intend on meaning it with the same passion that it might be said with, we still say it. Of course you're wondering, so? What's the harm? Tough luck strikes when you're faced with necessarily having to do that one thing which you said...'I will NEVER..' to. But we can do it. It's all about training the mind.

We have dreams. We dream big and we hope that everything turns out the way we want. We make maps of our lives, chalking out every turn and juncture. Okay, maybe all of us don't do this and I'm just a little over ambitious. But my point is we have in our minds, if not out there in the open a plan for ourselves. We strive towards making this plan work, doing whatever it takes.

But then, CRASH! Things don't go the way we've planned and our worlds come crashing down. And then sorrow prevails. We struggle in despair and hopelessness, cursing ourselves for not working hard enough. Wait a minute, did we really not work hard enough? Or are we just being too harsh on ourselves? We search for answers to the depressing turn our lives have taken. And no. We get NO answers. Absolutely none. The 'forces' we believe in will not grace us with their mysterious appearances and give us answers.

We moan about the unfair world and hence our unfair lives. It's true we rarely get what we deserve. We wonder what the 'forces' are doing when they give things to the wrong people! Wait, who said they are the wrong people? We question everything-our goals, our choices, our means, our ends. Where did we go wrong? May be we never did. Yet, we question endlessly, breeding pessimism.

I believe there are two kinds of 'we'. One, those of us who believe in the forces and how things are meant to be and two, those of us who believe that everything is a choice we make.

Here's the mind training- for the first set of us, we should never really engage in self loathing and questioning. Coz come on, wasn't that how it was meant to be? How could we change it anyway? And if that was how it was meant to be, doesn't it have to be for the best?
For the second set of us, if everything is a choice we make, then we should just trust that our choices are always right. If we regret a choice much later, we must remind ourselves of the reasons why we made the choice. I can sure as hell assure you that you will find a reason to believe that the choice was well made. There was something at that point of time that made you make it. And it was worth it. If it was worthwhile then, it has to be now as well.

The magic lies in training our minds...life is actually not that bad!

So, judge me not!!

We all know what is best for us. We've learned this from our experiences.

You might not be that person in class who is outwardly excited about everything. You might not be that person who is passionate about something and makes an obvious exhibition of it. You might be comparatively passive BUT that does not mean you are not interested. That does not mean you are not here for a reason.

Would you rather be an all talk, no work person or someone who talks less, but shows though her actions?

Someone said, 'I really don't understand how and why some people are even doing this course...they don't deserve it.' Who are we to decide if someone deserves something or not? Maybe that person has plans for himself, that he does not want to make aware to you. Maybe that person has so much talent but has something else going seriously wrong in his life...and hence he looks less deserving to you.

At the end of the day, we all have a reason for being the way we are. We all behave the way we do because we know that behaving in a certain way works best for us.
If being loud about everything works for you, good for you. Being passive, probably works for someone else. Hence lets not make judgments about people.

Because, as far as your achievements in life go, your ends justify your means.

It's a give and take world, Senior!

Mother, Father, Teacher- thats the model of respect we've been taught to follow. From the time we were kids we've always been told to respect our elders. Not wrong. Atleast, not fully. Older people do deserve respect, for they are older than us...they have probably seen more of life than we have. They are wiser and hence we must try our best to respect what they tell us, and respect them.

But I think it is time we stop associating respect with age; and treat them as independent variables.

Can you blame me for not feeling the slightest feeling of respect for a teacher who is being unresonably cruel? Or a teacher who is so condascending that she/he constantly offends me? Or an old man who letches? Or an elderly woman who fights her way into the train, pulling other women's hair and yelling at everyone around her? Is such juvenile behaviour actually worth any respect?

Older people too behave in disrespectful ways. Wisdom does not necessarily manifest itself well in all older people. And just being young does not deny us the freedom to stand up for ourselves.

So the next time, an older person rolls her eyes, after doing something that does not deserve any respect, and says this-'Where is your respect? I'm older than you'...tell her that you give and take respect. It has nothing to do with being older or younger. I'll respect you if you respect me. Likewise, you only need to give me respect if I respect you.

Age does not really determine anything. Whether we are old or young, we are all human beings and have the right to be treated with respect.

Classical Conditioning it is!

We all need something to believe in. Something to give us hope, something to pull us up when we are sinking. For some of us its a firm belief in religion. For those of us atheists, its either Mother Nature or just some other force we know exists, but we are not yet sure what to call it. A daring few, believe in the power of demons. Many of us have strong trust in the powers of fate and destiny. Oh and how can we forget the belief in superstitions?

I stepped out of the house to go somewhere. I'm halfway down the stairs when I remembered I forgot my phone. I went running back to the house, only to get a good scolding from my mom. 'You mustn't come back to the house right after you've set out for something. Its a bad omen.' She made sure I sat for a few minutes before I left the house again. This apparently, wards off the bad omen.

There is this other friend who would leave home with a long list of things to do. She would be back having done some of it. It was interesting to listen to how she narrated what a horrible day she just had. One by one she would tell me of all the things that went wrong...at the end of it she would say, 'I know why it was such a bad day, I did not pray in the morning'.

We make associations. Its a human trait. When we've had a bad day, we relate it with all the things we did on the day. We even swear not to do those things again, lest we have another bad day. It is funny though how when we have a bad day and although we have prayed or done all the things that should make it good, we console ourselves saying we did not pray enough or did not do all the good things we ought to have done.

The Behaviourist school of Psychology explains this behaviour of making associations as Classical conditioning. Its perfectly fine to make such associations, we've just got to make sure that they don't become an obsession.

Let us however have more respect for other people's beliefs. If she believes she had a bad day because she did not pray, lets respect her belief. Whatever makes her happy. Lets not try and define other peoples happiness for them. Happiness is subjective. Whatever our belief system is, it really doesn't matter as long as it keeps us happy.

Get over it.

Modesty is a virtue.

She scored really well in her exam. She stepped out of the class room and could not shut up about it. She repeated herself a million times, each time making the story sound slightly different, but the moral being that her professor complemented her intelligence. Some poeple at least get over it in a day. The ones who irritate the most is that lot that goes on about their achievement for days.

You did well, you deserve to be acknowledged. But after you've recieved the acknowledgemnt that you rightly deserve, stop going around publicising your achievemnt; especially with the same group of people who've already acknowledged you. All the happiness and adoration that people genuinely feel for you will vanish into thin air, if you do not stop blowing your trumpet!

When you have it, flaunt it. Yes, very rightly said. In this competitive world there is no place for people who have it but do not flaunt it enough. 'Enough' being the key word here. To get noticed, a certain amount of flaunting is essential. But there is a way of doing it. In fact more than the way of doing it, is the amount of doing it. Too little is usless as you will always go undiscovered but too much is plain annoying. And you can be loathed for it.

Some people can behave in ways that make you wonder if they have a heart. This is that group of people who can't get over their out of the world achievemnt and in order to make themselves feel better, they go about making the poor achievers feel unfortunate. What sort of happiness do such people get from tearing someone else down? Such a blatent display of low self esteem!

Flaunting is an art. And it can be learnt.

To hell with no expectations!

How often have we gone to watch a movie, expecting it to be good and walked out completely depressed? Or gone to a party hoping it would be wonderful but ended up wishing we stayed at home? Or gone to a new place, for a new beginning but it turned out you hate the place? How many times have we joined a course or college, happy we are fulfilling one of our dreams but ended up realizing its everything except what we want?

Many of us are faced with such harsh circumstances. In more serious situations, like some of the latter from above, we end up being stuck in the situation. We cannot get out of it because now that we are in it, we might as well finish what we got into it for.

We have expectations about people and places. When things do not live up to our expectations, we break. We cannot come to terms with it. And these hard times that we are put through, sharpen our pessimistic sides. We see no point in being optimistic about life anymore because the way we see it, almost every time we are positive and expecting only the best, we are let down.

The most simple piece of advice that people will give is to stop expecting. Really? I wish that was possible. It is human to expect that a much talked about movie, restaurant or party is going to blow your mind away. It is human to expect that a well reputed institution will give you everything it promises to. It is human to expect your best friend to tell you when she has a new boyfriend. It is human to expect that your loved ones will be there for you when you need them the most. We cannot stop expecting. In fact, why should we? What is wrong with expecting?

What we should do is to strive hard, within our reach to make sure expectations are lived up to. Now, that is a better piece of advice and definitely more humanly possible.

Its my turn now.

You like some one. Its killing you to tell him that. You think he is kind of giving you the signal too, that he likes you. You're thinking, if he likes you why can't he come up to you and tell you so. Why do you have to be the one to say it first?

Sounds familiar? A very normal thought process that messes with our heads when we are in the courtship phase of a prospective relationship. Gone are those days when a man's chivalry was proved if he was brave enough to ask the woman out. Today we live in a world where men and women are equal. Its not the man's job anymore.

In this context comes the theory of turns. Here's how it works. You like someone. The first stage is the one that involves just the eyes. Its all about the eye contact. You start looking at him. If he is looking back at you and this goes on for a bit, he sure as hell feels something for you too. You gave the first signal here. So if he is really interested now, its his turn to make that obvious. After he does whatever it is, its your turn again. And the giving each other 'signs' thing goes on.

If you think this has to work as a continuous, alternate, your turn-my turn thing, then you've got it all wrong. The point is, you can't be the only one trying to do something to make it work. It has to be two way, and that is how we function. We not-so-generous human beings always want something in return.

Think about it...would you just go on giving 'signs' to someone you like without getting anything in return? Hell no! If you sense disinterest from him, you are bound to stop giving signs eventually. The last thing any of us wants is to look like a desperate fool.

I'm sure I've left you wondering...So whose turn is it now?

Drama, anyday!

It is human nature to crave for the things we do not have and the moment we get them to moan about calling them upon ourselves.

The majority of us love drama. We absolutely love it when things take a dramatic turn in our lives, a little hay wire is only enjoyed more.

Take this conversation for example:
'I'm so bored now, I cannot live with myself. How I wish I did not break up!'
'Oh my,you have no idea what you're saying. He treated you like a door mat. I'm so glad you are out of it.'
'Well yes, but you know, now that I don't have him I'm starting to realise that I liked my life more when he was in it. He gave me shit, but then at least something was happening in my life. He made me cry, we fought... but my life was eventful.'

I could not believe this. Here was a person who just got freedom from a bondage that could have scarred her for life (and maybe already has in tiny ways)sitting next to me, telling me she wants it all back! Seriously? Why in the world would anyone want to get back into something that was full of lame fights and arguments, which at the end of the day made her feel horrible?

Soon enough I realized why. She missed the attention she was showered with. She missed being the reason to mess up some body else's mood and day. She missed having so much control and power over some one else. She missed being such an important part of someone else's life.

People will tell you being single is the most sensible way to be. If yes, then why are all these people in relationships? If it really is so sensible, I say walk out of your relationship. But no. One relationship after the other, they go on and on to have more.

Apart from the fact that as humans we have it in us to love and be loved, we also thoroughly love the drama that enfolds when we are in a relationship. Even if it makes us feel miserable, we would still rather have the drama than not have any of it at all. Please, don't deny this!

Built differently

My friend lost her mother when she was 17. Her mother was ill for a long time. Through this time she says, she did some of the things she had never done before. One of them being that she had to her credit a boyfriend, who she thought, rather foolishly at that point, she was going to get married to.

No one around her could understand her behaviour. They thought her behavoiur was anything, but what was appropriate for the things that were happening in her life. Relatives irritated her to an extent she could not tolerate. They could not believe that she was doing things that they thought made her look like she was 'up to no good', at a time when she should be more sensitive to the happenings in her house.

Wait. Did anyone take a step back to understand why she behaved this way? Did anyone even remotely consider the fact that that was probably her way of dealing with the situation? For everyone else involved in the same situation, spending every second of their lives talking about the happenings may have been their way of dealing with the situation. But it was not hers. So be it. This does not mean she was insensitive. For all you know, she was probably more sensitive and troubled by it than other people. But her way of reacting to it was to go out and make it look like she was fine, and that her life was perfectly normal.

Who are we to judge and point fingers at others for their reactions to things? Some people cry at deaths, some others don't, they just sit with a stoic expression on their face. Does this mean they don't care about the death?

Every one has their own way of reacting to things and situations. I might cry like a baby when I lose my watch and not cry at all when my best friend leaves town for good. This does not make me a bad person. Maybe the reason I don't cry when my friend leaves is because I feel like I will definitely make it a point to meet her again. On the other hand, I might cry about my lost watch because I'm so sure I'm never getting it back.

Before we pass judgements about people's sensitivities and insensitivities we should remind ourselves that each of us is built differently. People might react in ways we think is just cruel because that is how they are built to react.

Peace.

After all, they are People

People, I think form one of the most mind-boggling topics of discussion. Why do people behave the way they do? Understandably so, the nature versus nurture debate is one of my favourites.

In every group that we are a part of there are always some people we get along with, some others with whom we share a superficial relationship, others who we feel are from a different planet and those few who we can never get along with, simply because they are not our type.

As human beings, with our strong instincts of segregation, we always form smaller groups within the big group that we are a part of. Why is it never possible for us to be extremely close to that whole, big group? Smaller groups are formed when we meet those people who are our kind and so we can easily get along with. Or in other words, people of the same wave length as ours.

When talking to another person comes effortlessly, we know that we have met our kind. We then go on to form a group consisting of all those people who are our kind. Once this group is made, everyone else not belonging to our group becomes the 'others'. The others are treated differently from the people of our group. The others are never invited to go out with us for a day of fun. We do not go crying to the others when we need help. We do not keep the others informed about everything in our lives and so on.

We cannot be best friends with everyone now, can we? So these demarcations that we make between our group and the others are acceptable. Here is what is not acceptable: making a face when the other comes to our territory, acting indifferently when the other tries to make friends with us because we are scared she/he is trying to join our group, making a big deal when one person from our group invites one of the others to one of our group plans...and the like.

Why is it so hard for us to accept 'other' people, the moment we form our own groups? Yes, there is what we call a comfort zone that we form with the people we get along with but does that mean that the others should be treated with antagonism?

Treating others with indifference is something that is practiced more passionately among girls. Boys, I've noticed are not so indifferent when it comes to treating the others. For some reason boys are very open to others joining their groups. This explains why we can always find boys who belong to many groups. They have multi identities depending on various groups they are a part of. Girls however are usually, quite distinctly part of one group. This one group defines their identity and mostly, mingling with others is a taboo!

To treat everyone as our own is asking for too much. I guess the least we can do is to make the others feel comfortable when around us by not making them feel like there is a wall dividing them from us. After all, they are people.

Siblings Story

'Yuk I cannot imagine living with boys! They are so messy.', said my friend when I told her I live with my brothers. This friend is one of those girls whose life is pretty much defined by a boy. There is almost never a time in her life when a boy is absent. She is either in a relationship, or having the 'unofficial' going on. It was only natural for me to wonder why would a girl with so much proximity to the male gender pass such a comment.

When I got to know her better my question was answered. She does not have brothers. She has never grown up with a boy.

The siblings you grow up with are strongly responsible for who you are today. Your likes and dislikes are shaped by the people you grow up with. Amusing isn't it? Ever wondered why some girls are so adventurous and love to play pillow fights and have WWE matches on the bed? Why are some others always in want of calmer games involving zero chances of physical hurt? Try getting to know the person better and more often than not, you will find that such girls have grown up with brothers.

I remember this boy from school. He was one of the best looking boys in my class. My friends and I were always engaging in pointless, one way obsession of him. Why pointless, one way? He was so shy and reserved, you would wonder if he ever spoke a word. You go up to him and try to make a conversation with him, and he would shy away so uncomfortably that you feel like killing yourself for causing him discomfort. However this was him, only with the opposite sex. With the boys, he made an excellent friend.

Here is his sibling story- He is the youngest among three. He has two older sisters, many years older to him. When he was in school, his eldest sister was married and even had a kid. The second sister was working at the time. Although he has older sisters, they were too old to have any influence on him whatsoever. You can barely say that he grew up with them. They were more like second and third moms to him. Hence, girls for him are people he interacts with in very formal and respectable ways. He is not used to talking to girls freely, with no inhibitions.

I have noticed that girls with sisters, make friends with other girls more easily than girls who have only brothers. Confiding in another girl comes more easily to a girl who is used to doing it at home with her sister.

Girls who have brothers are usually very free and open in their interactions with boys and vice versa. They can talk and discuss anything with the opposite gender without the slightest feelings of shame and embarrassment. Girls who have grown up with sisters mostly have their reservations and are uptight about discussing many matters.

The puberty stage is handled more easily by boys who have sisters and girls who have brothers. The reason is obvious. You are growing up with someone going through the psychological as well as physical changes of puberty. You are used to it seeing it all at home and hence in the outside world, you have far lesser doubts and are also more understanding of such things.

When it comes to matters of the heart, it is really interesting to see how girls with brothers find their ideal, prince charming in a boy who is like their brother. 'I wish I could find a guy like my brother', now isn't that a line we have heard so often? The same goes for boys with sisters. 'Well, if only you weren't my sister, you would make the perfect girlfriend'.

The Siblings Story goes like this- Your personality is influenced depending on the gender of the siblings you grow up with. If you do not feel your personality is in tune with my above mentioned findings, there could be two reasons for that, either your sibling is too old or too young to have an influence on you, or you are just an exceptional case.