Built differently

My friend lost her mother when she was 17. Her mother was ill for a long time. Through this time she says, she did some of the things she had never done before. One of them being that she had to her credit a boyfriend, who she thought, rather foolishly at that point, she was going to get married to.

No one around her could understand her behaviour. They thought her behavoiur was anything, but what was appropriate for the things that were happening in her life. Relatives irritated her to an extent she could not tolerate. They could not believe that she was doing things that they thought made her look like she was 'up to no good', at a time when she should be more sensitive to the happenings in her house.

Wait. Did anyone take a step back to understand why she behaved this way? Did anyone even remotely consider the fact that that was probably her way of dealing with the situation? For everyone else involved in the same situation, spending every second of their lives talking about the happenings may have been their way of dealing with the situation. But it was not hers. So be it. This does not mean she was insensitive. For all you know, she was probably more sensitive and troubled by it than other people. But her way of reacting to it was to go out and make it look like she was fine, and that her life was perfectly normal.

Who are we to judge and point fingers at others for their reactions to things? Some people cry at deaths, some others don't, they just sit with a stoic expression on their face. Does this mean they don't care about the death?

Every one has their own way of reacting to things and situations. I might cry like a baby when I lose my watch and not cry at all when my best friend leaves town for good. This does not make me a bad person. Maybe the reason I don't cry when my friend leaves is because I feel like I will definitely make it a point to meet her again. On the other hand, I might cry about my lost watch because I'm so sure I'm never getting it back.

Before we pass judgements about people's sensitivities and insensitivities we should remind ourselves that each of us is built differently. People might react in ways we think is just cruel because that is how they are built to react.

Peace.

After all, they are People

People, I think form one of the most mind-boggling topics of discussion. Why do people behave the way they do? Understandably so, the nature versus nurture debate is one of my favourites.

In every group that we are a part of there are always some people we get along with, some others with whom we share a superficial relationship, others who we feel are from a different planet and those few who we can never get along with, simply because they are not our type.

As human beings, with our strong instincts of segregation, we always form smaller groups within the big group that we are a part of. Why is it never possible for us to be extremely close to that whole, big group? Smaller groups are formed when we meet those people who are our kind and so we can easily get along with. Or in other words, people of the same wave length as ours.

When talking to another person comes effortlessly, we know that we have met our kind. We then go on to form a group consisting of all those people who are our kind. Once this group is made, everyone else not belonging to our group becomes the 'others'. The others are treated differently from the people of our group. The others are never invited to go out with us for a day of fun. We do not go crying to the others when we need help. We do not keep the others informed about everything in our lives and so on.

We cannot be best friends with everyone now, can we? So these demarcations that we make between our group and the others are acceptable. Here is what is not acceptable: making a face when the other comes to our territory, acting indifferently when the other tries to make friends with us because we are scared she/he is trying to join our group, making a big deal when one person from our group invites one of the others to one of our group plans...and the like.

Why is it so hard for us to accept 'other' people, the moment we form our own groups? Yes, there is what we call a comfort zone that we form with the people we get along with but does that mean that the others should be treated with antagonism?

Treating others with indifference is something that is practiced more passionately among girls. Boys, I've noticed are not so indifferent when it comes to treating the others. For some reason boys are very open to others joining their groups. This explains why we can always find boys who belong to many groups. They have multi identities depending on various groups they are a part of. Girls however are usually, quite distinctly part of one group. This one group defines their identity and mostly, mingling with others is a taboo!

To treat everyone as our own is asking for too much. I guess the least we can do is to make the others feel comfortable when around us by not making them feel like there is a wall dividing them from us. After all, they are people.