Love is not blind. As much as we love the kind of people we have in our lives, as humans, there's always a constant need to change certain things about them. Those things about them that really annoy us. If we want then to change things about people, we are not accepting them for who they are. If we are not accepting them for who they are and it's bothering us so much that we decide we don't want them in our lives anymore, then, love is definitely not blind.
But I have a question-Why do we want people to change for us? What good comes out of making someone who doesn't treat the special days of the year with extreme emotion, to do that...just coz that's how we like it? If it doesn't come naturally to the person wouldn't we be better off not having them do it JUST for us? Hence I ask again, why want someone to change?
When things get rough people talk about how they've changed so much for the person they love and complain about how they've been the only one changing. I often feel that we are so selfish and too full of ourselves to see how much the other person has also changed for us. We do not, in other words, give people enough credit for how much they've changed.
'Change' thus is very dependent on perception and will therefore always be an overrated word. No amount of change that someone makes for us will ever be enough and would only for all we know, at the end, be perceived as no-change. Expecting people to change for us is therefore I think, being unrealistic. Coz as much as how no amount of change is ever enough...no amount of credit we're given for it, if at all, is also ever good enough. How many times have you felt like you've really changed for someone, like moved mountains kind of changed, only to be told - 'what rubbish, you're still the same'?
It is just a lot simpler to not expect people to change. There is greater strength in being able to accept people for who they are...and in living with the ability to ignore some of the stuff that annoy you about them.
And hence, these lines will always be some of the most beautiful lines I'll ever know,
'God, give me the strength to change the things I can
The courage to accept the things I cannot
And the wisdom to know the difference.'
Aug 27, 2011
Aug 20, 2011
Reaching, only to settle
So now that I have already established my opinion on looks and the importance of superficial appearance to the naked eye, dwelling into the reacher-settler thing is a lot easier.
It's amazing how you had a really long check list of the qualities and features, both physical and otherwise, all along, that made up the 'man' who deserves you. You said 'no' to a fifty (me, being modest) odd boys and men who came along because they lacked that one, absolutely essential feature on the check list.
But then all of a sudden, you grew up, without you even realizing it. Suddenly you are yearning for a man who is anything but what you have wanted all your life. And you can't seem to explain to yourself, why him?; let alone explaining to your closest friends. This man who barely makes it through half of your checklist and is a lot of things you said you can't stand in a man, has you wanting him...more and more by the day. In your head, there's that constant voice telling you, 'you're too good for him'. But you fight the voice and choose to be the settler.
In a weird way, being the settler gives you a strong sense of happiness and pride. You secretly enjoy the fact that you're the better looking one...and the awareness of the fact that you can do better. You've always had it so hard with the supremely good looking bunch...coz the 'good looking+good looking' ego clash got you no where. For once, you feel secure that you are with someone who is reaching for you...and you feel always will.
At the same time, however, you have to try so hard with this man coz he's acting on and off about you. He's telling you 'you're hot' - his sly way of saying, 'why would you want me'? But this draining task of pulling up his self esteem is being embraced by you...and happening well, despite mad moments of you really losing your mind. You're throwing yourself on him WHEN you don't have to. What's worse, you know that you don't have to. Yet...
And if you've been the extremely picky and choosy kind all your life, then you will not be spared when you finally, out of accident or otherwise, show him to your friends. "This was what you preserved yourself for? His nose isn't even sharp!"
It's amazing how you had a really long check list of the qualities and features, both physical and otherwise, all along, that made up the 'man' who deserves you. You said 'no' to a fifty (me, being modest) odd boys and men who came along because they lacked that one, absolutely essential feature on the check list.
But then all of a sudden, you grew up, without you even realizing it. Suddenly you are yearning for a man who is anything but what you have wanted all your life. And you can't seem to explain to yourself, why him?; let alone explaining to your closest friends. This man who barely makes it through half of your checklist and is a lot of things you said you can't stand in a man, has you wanting him...more and more by the day. In your head, there's that constant voice telling you, 'you're too good for him'. But you fight the voice and choose to be the settler.
In a weird way, being the settler gives you a strong sense of happiness and pride. You secretly enjoy the fact that you're the better looking one...and the awareness of the fact that you can do better. You've always had it so hard with the supremely good looking bunch...coz the 'good looking+good looking' ego clash got you no where. For once, you feel secure that you are with someone who is reaching for you...and you feel always will.
At the same time, however, you have to try so hard with this man coz he's acting on and off about you. He's telling you 'you're hot' - his sly way of saying, 'why would you want me'? But this draining task of pulling up his self esteem is being embraced by you...and happening well, despite mad moments of you really losing your mind. You're throwing yourself on him WHEN you don't have to. What's worse, you know that you don't have to. Yet...
And if you've been the extremely picky and choosy kind all your life, then you will not be spared when you finally, out of accident or otherwise, show him to your friends. "This was what you preserved yourself for? His nose isn't even sharp!"
Jan 4, 2011
Don't's
What you mustn’t do..
1.Complain and grumble about the traffic jam.
Traffic situations exist, get used to it already. Stop questioning aloud why no body is doing anything about it. If you can’t do something about it shut up and suffer in silence. Also set out early if that’s what it takes instead of acting like it’s your first day in the city.
2.Let drivers get away with the ‘there’s too much traffic hence we won’t go there’ excuse.
If they drive in a city like Mumbai they should know by now that there is traffic everywhere. If they don’t want to do their job they should sit at home quietly instead of hindering others who want to do theirs.
3.Say “Oh you get that in India?”
You get everything in India. If you don’t know that you are plain ignorant and haven’t been to India in a long time. And if you haven’t, do you really think you deserve to pass comments?
4.Say things like “Indian girls are so hairy.”
Because so are the Indian men. And no, we don’t love that either. And so are foreign/white/Caucasian women. Many white women have hair which they don’t even get removed because they think it’s of the same colour as their skin. But of course you pretentious Indian men choose to ignore that just because…I don’t know, they are white?! So vain.
5.Start off with something and then say “Oh no I don’t think I must tell you rest” or say “I’m in shit but I don’t want to tell you about it.”
If you started off, have the courage to finish it right up till the end. If you don’t have the courage, why start at all? What kind of sadistic pleasure do you get teasing a story and leaving the other person bursting with curiosity to know the rest? Oh wait. You want the other person to beg? Get a life dude.
If you are in shit and want help, talk about the shit you are in so that you can be helped, rather than giving a one-liner and expecting people to understand what you’re going through by leaving them to go crazy with assumptions in their head. Two words for you – Drama. Queen.
6.Ask people to remind you about a gift you have to give them.
Why wouldn’t you remember yourself if you have to give someone a gift? You’re putting the other person through such a hard time by asking him/her to remind you about it. If the other person is important enough to you wouldn’t you remember to give the gift yourself? Or are you lying about having a gift at all? Oh then you mustn’t coz just so you know, the other person’s life will go on perfectly fine without your gift. You lying about it? That’s what’s causing the problem.
7.Lie that you will be going with someone to someplace only coz you’re scared that by telling the truth - that you don’t want to go, you will offend him/her.
In such instances it is really better to say the truth than stand someone up. Promising to be there and then not showing up is way more offensive than just saying the truth at the start.
8.Say you’re behaving the way you are (moody, cranky, annoying) because it is ‘that’ time of the month.
Come on (women), let’s stop taking advantage of the fact that we always have this excuse and the boys don’t have one such universal, constant shield to defend them. It’s so passé.
9.Get angry and unforgivable on someone’s ass just coz he/she forgot your birthday.
Not everyone has a good memory. Not everyone is good with numbers. And you sure as hell know that forgetting your birthday in no way means that he/she does not love you anymore. So why make such a big deal? It’s not the end of the world.
10.Force people to follow/like your status/picture/profile/blog/life..you get the drift.
It is okay to tell/inform people about such things but forcing them to like it is simply annoying. Shouldn’t the person feel like following/liking/loving your whatever it is because they really feel like, from within? How does such an enforced act make you feel happy anyway?
11.Say you will do things that you can’t or know you’re not going to do.
Get over yourself. The world will still go on if you can’t/don’t do something. Just accept it and be honest about it rather than letting people rely on you for a bit only to make them hate you later. If you can’t do something say you can’t, you will still be treated like a human and life will still go on, for you and for everybody.
Finally, it is okay to preach what you don’t do. What’s the harm in that, if it nonetheless manages to provoke thoughts and change lives? After all, the world is filled with such people. Wait, don’t take that seriously, I was obviously kidding.
Happy New Year!
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