Love is not blind. As much as we love the kind of people we have in our lives, as humans, there's always a constant need to change certain things about them. Those things about them that really annoy us. If we want then to change things about people, we are not accepting them for who they are. If we are not accepting them for who they are and it's bothering us so much that we decide we don't want them in our lives anymore, then, love is definitely not blind.
But I have a question-Why do we want people to change for us? What good comes out of making someone who doesn't treat the special days of the year with extreme emotion, to do that...just coz that's how we like it? If it doesn't come naturally to the person wouldn't we be better off not having them do it JUST for us? Hence I ask again, why want someone to change?
When things get rough people talk about how they've changed so much for the person they love and complain about how they've been the only one changing. I often feel that we are so selfish and too full of ourselves to see how much the other person has also changed for us. We do not, in other words, give people enough credit for how much they've changed.
'Change' thus is very dependent on perception and will therefore always be an overrated word. No amount of change that someone makes for us will ever be enough and would only for all we know, at the end, be perceived as no-change. Expecting people to change for us is therefore I think, being unrealistic. Coz as much as how no amount of change is ever enough...no amount of credit we're given for it, if at all, is also ever good enough. How many times have you felt like you've really changed for someone, like moved mountains kind of changed, only to be told - 'what rubbish, you're still the same'?
It is just a lot simpler to not expect people to change. There is greater strength in being able to accept people for who they are...and in living with the ability to ignore some of the stuff that annoy you about them.
And hence, these lines will always be some of the most beautiful lines I'll ever know,
'God, give me the strength to change the things I can
The courage to accept the things I cannot
And the wisdom to know the difference.'
Aug 27, 2011
Aug 20, 2011
Reaching, only to settle
So now that I have already established my opinion on looks and the importance of superficial appearance to the naked eye, dwelling into the reacher-settler thing is a lot easier.
It's amazing how you had a really long check list of the qualities and features, both physical and otherwise, all along, that made up the 'man' who deserves you. You said 'no' to a fifty (me, being modest) odd boys and men who came along because they lacked that one, absolutely essential feature on the check list.
But then all of a sudden, you grew up, without you even realizing it. Suddenly you are yearning for a man who is anything but what you have wanted all your life. And you can't seem to explain to yourself, why him?; let alone explaining to your closest friends. This man who barely makes it through half of your checklist and is a lot of things you said you can't stand in a man, has you wanting him...more and more by the day. In your head, there's that constant voice telling you, 'you're too good for him'. But you fight the voice and choose to be the settler.
In a weird way, being the settler gives you a strong sense of happiness and pride. You secretly enjoy the fact that you're the better looking one...and the awareness of the fact that you can do better. You've always had it so hard with the supremely good looking bunch...coz the 'good looking+good looking' ego clash got you no where. For once, you feel secure that you are with someone who is reaching for you...and you feel always will.
At the same time, however, you have to try so hard with this man coz he's acting on and off about you. He's telling you 'you're hot' - his sly way of saying, 'why would you want me'? But this draining task of pulling up his self esteem is being embraced by you...and happening well, despite mad moments of you really losing your mind. You're throwing yourself on him WHEN you don't have to. What's worse, you know that you don't have to. Yet...
And if you've been the extremely picky and choosy kind all your life, then you will not be spared when you finally, out of accident or otherwise, show him to your friends. "This was what you preserved yourself for? His nose isn't even sharp!"
It's amazing how you had a really long check list of the qualities and features, both physical and otherwise, all along, that made up the 'man' who deserves you. You said 'no' to a fifty (me, being modest) odd boys and men who came along because they lacked that one, absolutely essential feature on the check list.
But then all of a sudden, you grew up, without you even realizing it. Suddenly you are yearning for a man who is anything but what you have wanted all your life. And you can't seem to explain to yourself, why him?; let alone explaining to your closest friends. This man who barely makes it through half of your checklist and is a lot of things you said you can't stand in a man, has you wanting him...more and more by the day. In your head, there's that constant voice telling you, 'you're too good for him'. But you fight the voice and choose to be the settler.
In a weird way, being the settler gives you a strong sense of happiness and pride. You secretly enjoy the fact that you're the better looking one...and the awareness of the fact that you can do better. You've always had it so hard with the supremely good looking bunch...coz the 'good looking+good looking' ego clash got you no where. For once, you feel secure that you are with someone who is reaching for you...and you feel always will.
At the same time, however, you have to try so hard with this man coz he's acting on and off about you. He's telling you 'you're hot' - his sly way of saying, 'why would you want me'? But this draining task of pulling up his self esteem is being embraced by you...and happening well, despite mad moments of you really losing your mind. You're throwing yourself on him WHEN you don't have to. What's worse, you know that you don't have to. Yet...
And if you've been the extremely picky and choosy kind all your life, then you will not be spared when you finally, out of accident or otherwise, show him to your friends. "This was what you preserved yourself for? His nose isn't even sharp!"
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