Loving through hate and hating through love

I remember all along when I was growing up how my parents would say that the music of our generation was trash. They would compare it to the music of their times and explain how the quality of music, lyrics and everything had deteriorated. I would argue with them saying that the music had only gotten better and that they were just getting old and less open to change.

While I made those arguments back then I also remember making a promise to myself of how I'd never let time get the better of me, how I'd never make such statements to my kids, and instead adapt to and value the new music and all the new kinds of things that might come around in my life. Here I am, only 24 and no kids, and I can already not seem to understand how much of the music that is created today, and enjoyed by the younger people of today, even qualifies as music. Don't even get me started on some of the lyrics.

But no, I'm not going down that road because the truth is that as much as I feel that way, I also feel that there are still some artists that make some beautiful music. Although now it seems like this post is getting into that generation comparison zone, that really was not my intention.

I spent a lot of time on facebook today, after a really long time. I feel so updated about some people's lives all of a sudden, people who I had completely forgotten about. The timeline feature on my profile really took me down memory lane (hence all that generation scribble). It got me thinking of how a lot has changed. There are so many people I was close to at some point in the past who I don't even talk to anymore. How did that happen? People I worked with, who were then such a crucial part of my life, that I have absolutely no news of anymore. Some other people I deliberately cut off because the situation called for it, and so many new additions. I cringed a little bit inside seeing some of the pictures and some of the people I associated myself with. What was I thinking? Certain pictures of certain people made me feel a pinch of regret on so many levels - from downright superficial to unimaginable depth.

This whole facebook awakening might sound really funny and stupid but I was amazed at how it reflected so strongly to me, who I was and who I am now. While on the macro level I could almost see so many things having changed like how the music between generations has changed, on the micro, more individual level, I was struck with nostalgia. I was made to realize how much I've changed as a person, how much I've grown up, how I've done a lot of things I said I'd never do, how I am regretting, very cheerfully however, certain things and how I'm so happy for so many things.  Despite everything I've said, done or promised myself, I love how I've opened myself to all the change that's come my way - in terms of people, places, work, situations, everything.

I'm so curious to see where life takes me and all of us from here.   

Keep the change... to yourself, please!

Love is not blind. As much as we love the kind of people we have in our lives, as humans, there's always a constant need to change certain things about them. Those things about them that really annoy us. If we want then to change things about people, we are not accepting them for who they are. If we are not accepting them for who they are and it's bothering us so much that we decide we don't want them in our lives anymore, then, love is definitely not blind.

But I have a question-Why do we want people to change for us? What good comes out of making someone who doesn't treat the special days of the year with extreme emotion, to do that...just coz that's how we like it? If it doesn't come naturally to the person wouldn't we be better off not having them do it JUST for us? Hence I ask again, why want someone to change?

When things get rough people talk about how they've changed so much for the person they love and complain about how they've been the only one changing. I often feel that we are so selfish and too full of ourselves to see how much the other person has also changed for us. We do not, in other words, give people enough credit for how much they've changed.

'Change' thus is very dependent on perception and will therefore always be an overrated word. No amount of change that someone makes for us will ever be enough and would only for all we know, at the end, be perceived as no-change. Expecting people to change for us is therefore I think, being unrealistic. Coz as much as how no amount of change is ever enough...no amount of credit we're given for it, if at all, is also ever good enough. How many times have you felt like you've really changed for someone, like moved mountains kind of changed, only to be told - 'what rubbish, you're still the same'?

It is just a lot simpler to not expect people to change. There is greater strength in being able to accept people for who they are...and in living with the ability to ignore some of the stuff that annoy you about them.

And hence, these lines will always be some of the most beautiful lines I'll ever know,
'God, give me the strength to change the things I can
The courage to accept the things I cannot
And the wisdom to know the difference.'

You mean the World

We think we know who are the people in our lives that are going to stick (forever?), until a ‘fall-out’ happens with one of the persons we thought was going to be a constant in our life. This fall-out certainly does not wipe out all the past times during which this person may have been a strong part of our life… when he/she stood by us through our roughest patches and…. They all still stand. Because while it lasted, it was good. So let’s not cry that it’s (probably) over but smile that it happened.

But on that positive note I can’t help but question what does such a fall-out hold for the future? We cannot, however egoistic or least expecting of people we might be, not cringe at the thought of that. After all, this person was special and that is to begin with, the only reason we care so much. Would I care so much if such a thing happened with an acquaintance? Hell No.

But what can you do if the person stops talking to you once and for all, without giving you a reason? And what if at that point after the fall-out you learn new things about the person you held so dearly in your life? Things like, all along the person was intimidated by the very person you are. How can a matter so intense not have come up before? Or is apparent friend bringing it up now just coz he/she is running out of reasons to explain the scenario that caused the fall-out? How was such a deep relationship formed in the first place if the person had such issues with WHO you are?

We might never know. And like I said when I started off, in such situations we must just be happy with what ever it was that we had with the person. This takes great tolerance I know but keep telling yourself that it was good when it lasted... and that it left you with a whole bunch of beautiful memories. Make peace with yourself.

Because such is life. Such are people. Strange circumstances cause people to act in strange ways. People could be full of lies and nonsense on a day. Everyone has their bad days. Although most civil people would care to explain themselves the next day, don’t feel deceived if they don’t. Not everybody is civil. But for every person in your life who brings you down and makes you feel hated and betrayed, there is another person who makes you feel like you mean the world to them. And as you get through life with people walking in and out of it…you still know deep down inside of you that there is at least one person out there who will stick forever; and be the constant. Such reassurance is liberating.