Sweaty Palm Adventures

I've lived with my sweaty palms all my life. Although mom says it wasn't like that since I was born, I cannot remember a time when my palms didn't perspire. Everyone who knows me knows this fact about me. It's part of who I am. It's part of what I'd say if someone asked me to reveal an interesting fact about myself. It disturbingly occurred to me recently that it's probably something other people would use to describe me too.

I can imagine a conversation between two people who know me to go like this:
Person A: Hey, how do you know Remya?
Person B: Remya? Which Remya? I know a Ramya.. I think..
A: Dude Remya ya, you know her from college..
B: Oh ya. "Sweaty palms" that's what we used to call her. Of course, I know her, love her (very, very wishful thinking and extremely inflated sense of self wherein I think everybody who knows me obviously loves me.)

But to be fair, I can't blame people if that's how they remember me or if that's the one thing they love or hate about me. I almost always make the presence of my sweaty palms felt, in every conversation be it with friends, acquaintances, strangers - everyone. Why do I do this? I have in my growing-up years had various reactions to my sweaty palms ranging from, "oh, you have sweaty palms", with a disgusted expression, to "yuck, why are your palms wet", to "hmm where have your hands been?", to "oh your palms sweat but that's alright, I don't mind", etc. Safe to say that with most of these reactions being negative, I naturally programmed myself to be this person who gives a disclaimer before shaking hands with anyone or not shaking hands at all. Actually nowadays I almost don't let anyone get anywhere close to my palms unless of course they (my palms) are having a dry day or a dry moment.

I have so far come across few people who have the same condition but I've always felt none of them have it as bad as me. I wrote my exams in school and college with a tissue under my palm, that moved like well-oiled machinery from one side of my answer sheet to the other, along with my pen in firm grip. People are misled to think I am stressed or nervous but that is not the case. While my palms can have an outbreak under stressful circumstances, they can also be moist for no real reason whatsoever. I'm almost never spotted without a tissue (I've made an Instagram hashtag - #notissuenoremya!), and people who are really close to me know that I can be very possessive and stingy with my tissue papers.

I cannot however deny how my sweaty palms have helped in some ice-breaking sessions, made me get weird looks and sometimes unwanted attention in yoga and dance classes, got people to think I am too snooty to shake hands as I'm germ-conscious, or come across as having a bad attitude when I've not shook hands at a job interview. I've laughed like crazy (in my head) all of these times.

Sweating is part and parcel of yoga but in my case sometimes my feet and palms slip off the mat. I now wear yoga socks. I chicken out of hand stands and hand balances citing my sweaty palms thereby providing great comic relief to everyone in class, especially my instructor. My most recent stint with dance has been salsa. I've always trained in non-partner dances so far and in hindsight, salsa was definitely a bad idea for someone with sweaty palms. My biggest nightmare was when I realised we had to switch partners every few minutes, and now the first thing I say to every new partner is "Sorry, I have sweaty palms."

As for men, I've used and continue to use my sweaty palms to both drive them away and to make them find me endearing by selling it like a super power, depending on what the situation demands. The worst experience to have in this area is when a guy I'm trying to drive away finds my sweaty palms or conversations about it hilarious and endearing. But my most recent sweaty palm adventure happened with a celebrity crush (Ranveer Singh), and not being able to shake hands with him earned me not one, but quite a few warm hugs and some funny banter. So yes, there are advantages too.

Nothing however, and NOTHING I tell you, beats the kind of suggestions and free medical advice I get by the most strangest of strangers and some very kindhearted well-wishers to cure or fix my condition. I was once told that all I needed to fix the issue was to get a nerve at the back of head, closer to the neck region snapped and switched with another nerve in the same region! And he wasn't even a doctor!

If I could change one thing about myself, I think it would be my sweaty palms. When I shared this thought with a close friend, she was so appalled and said that I would seize to be myself without my sweaty palms. "Aww" I thought to myself in that moment, looked at my palms and kissed them for their presence in my life. Thank you palms, for all the sweaty adventures and slippery love. It's us against the world.

What got me happy high today? This.

I cannot stress enough the importance of watching Udta Punjab to everyone I know - near, dear and far. I went to a first day first show this morning and was rather disappointed at how the hall was nearly empty. So here I am trying to do my little part of spreading the word, trying to add to the film's word of mouth as much as I possibly can.

I often stand out as being boring or "granny-like" when I talk about the so-called milder, "natural" substances as being gateway drugs. I get reactions of this kind - we know to draw the line at natural. And trust me when I say such conversations come up so easily nowadays that I sometimes get worried about the future of our race. I studied Psychology for five years and went on enough psychiatric facility visits during that point in my life to understand the seriousness of substance abuse. It almost always starts mild and less passionately, like a lot of other things in life.

In terms of film-making, nothing about the film left me disappointed. But while it must be appreciated for its technical aspects, I urge everyone to also watch it for the experiences of the characters it portrays, especially under the influence of abuse. I have known about these experiences all along and yet like every time back in school and college when I would get emotionally disturbed by what I learnt or saw, today, this movie left me just as disturbed. No form of substance abuse should be justified, irrespective of what kind of substance is in question, how often it is being taken or what made one start.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I would love for us to translate and apply the lessons we learn from such well-made films, off-screen in our personal lives. The movie talks about substance abuse through many dimensions both personal and political while still managing to drive home a valuable and beautiful point - the sanctity of personal choice.

I took that with me when I walked out of the cinema hall among many other points, and I really hope everyone who watches the film gets to have this take-away just like me. Why is that important? Because while Udta Punjab is about Punjab, it is generally and universally relevant too. And that is an unfortunate thing.

As a fan, you are responsible for...

It was so exciting to watch Bajrangi Bhaijaan in Oman. The theater was packed with a majority of the local population, safe to say, all hardcore Salman Khan fans. It was an extremely reactive and emotional audience that was laughing, crying and cheering with passion. It was like the single screen Mumbai experience only with some Middle East swag.

The movie was beautiful. I haven't been a Salman fan for the longest time and I am someone who does not like the typical, commercial Bollywood films. But this one was well made. I had planned to watch it only for Nawazuddin Siddiqui (one of my favourite Indian actors), but I have to admit that the movie was good even in parts he wasn't in. I don't cry while watching films but this one had me almost cry, and I was proud that India has such a beautifully shot and executed film in its filmography now.

However, this post is not a film review. This is about a broader issue that faces the people of India - our inability to translate what we see on screen to our real lives. India is a country with a blind fan following culture. We have people who would do anything for the reigning Khans, get violent in the name of their favourite actors, have fan wars online and offline, and who would die to meet their favourite actors or go to any length to get a picture with them. It is hero-worship at the highest level. When a Salman film is around the corner you can hear his fans say - Arrey Bhai ka film aa raha hai. (Our brother's film is releasing soon). They automatically become happier people and seem to have no problems in their lives anymore. Their love for their idols is so much that it almost has a healing effect in their lives.

It is okay to be a fan. We all are fans of someone or the other but it is time to start being responsible fans. We need to be able to implement what our favourite actors portray through their characters on screen, in our lives as well. The average Indian watches a film, says he loves it, helps it collect 300 crores at the box office, but the moment he gets back to living his life, forgets what he learnt at the film that he apparently loved. He forgets what his 'bhai' who he hero-worships taught him about humanity.      

The average Indian parent watches a film like PK or Bajrangi Bhaijaan and says it was amazing. However if their own children were to bring partners of another religion, community or country the next day to marry, the same parent feels betrayed. We need to stop having double standards. What is the point of appreciating and accepting a film like Bajrangi Bhaijaan, if after watching the film, you still breed hatred towards other religions, communities or nationalities? Please understand the larger issue that faces us - we have wars in our country, one that prides itself on Unity in Diversity, over religion, caste and communities. If not a war, people face basic survival and administrative issues on a daily basis because of their religion, gender, caste or community.

So every once in while a film comes, that reflects our lives and gives a solution for peace and love, why can't we actually learn a lesson from it and change the way we live our lives? It is not enough that we love Salman, or Deepika or Shahrukh or Priyanka or Aamir. We need to show the same passionate, daredevil attitude when it comes to implementing what they portray also. This is how we can be responsible fans. This is how we can help a society and thereby a country to progress. This is how we can help change a life or two and actually be a happy and peaceful country.

Gone are the days of blind fan following, brave it up and become a responsible fan. Our country really needs more of them.

   

I am Jinxed with Home Deliveries

Before I get down to the post, I'd like to say that I am deeply ashamed that my last post was over a year ago! Time flies they say and the truth is that the last year has gone by so fast. It's now almost two weeks since my birthday and among other things I have sworn to do this year, I swear to write more frequently here.

***

The last month and a half has been a bad one for me, at least in terms of home deliveries. Every home delivery I placed for food (and a debit card) reached me really late or never came. I've had to put up fights and use the line 'Is this how you treat your customer?' some fifty times at least. I've put down some of these major incidents with as brief an explanation on how they occurred.

Case 1: Carter's Blue
It was one of those weekends when the brothers and I were mostly home and we also had some friends over. I ordered for chicken shawarmas from Carter's which is only 20 minutes away from where I live. It was 45 minutes since I placed the order and when I called to find out the status of my delivery, I was told that the guy just left. I asked him why he only just left when the norm is a 45-minute delivery and he said it was a busy day. But my order never came even half hour after I called. Furious, I called up again and was told this time that the guy is probably lost and does not have credit on his phone to call me. I yelled at him for not having called me back to tell me this and asked for the delivery boy's number. He gave me the wrong number the first time and when I called again for the number I told him that I wasn't going to pay the bill given how awful they've been. This was followed by me calling the delivery guy several times to explain the address and the order finally reached us a good 2 hours after we had placed it. It takes basic common sense to go get your phone recharged if you are out of credit. It also is the restaurant's responsibility to ensure their delivery boys have sufficient credit on their phone. I can go on.

Case 2: 5 Spice
This was a Sunday afternoon and the 5 Spice in question is the one at Oshiwara. While I agree that Oshiwara to Amboli is a bit of a distance, it definitely isn't like Andheri to Vasai. An hour since the order was placed and no sign of it. Several calls have been made and all we were told was lies ranging from the delivery boy left more than 10 minutes back to he has many orders, to it's very far so it will take time. We told the guy that we won't be paying the bill and he argued with us saying it wasn't their fault but the fault of the delivery boy. We reasoned with him saying delivery boy's fault was his fault in the bigger picture. When the delivery boy finally reached over 2 hours since we ordered, he looked petrified. When we paid him less than half the bill he refused to leave saying they would take it out of his pocket and that it wasn't his fault as they only gave him the delivery 20 minutes back. He told us that this was something he was put through every day. I honestly did not know who was lying. While I did feel bad for the delivery boy, was I a happy customer? No. We gave him our number and told him that if it really wasn't his fault and if they asked him to put our bill from his pocket when he gets back, he could call us and we'd help him out. He never called.

Case 3: Mc Delivery
This was very recent and it was one of those days when there was a slight unexpected drizzle in the city. The promised half hour delivery never reached and I received a call from a guy who told me that due to the 'heavy rains' my order was going to take another 15 minutes. Apparently, the bike broke down because of the heavy downpour. My order reached me a little over an hour and many conversations took place while I waited for my delivery and after. I asked them how they manage to deliver within half hour during the 4 months of monsoon and suddenly fail to deliver on a slight drizzle day. But he continued to lie that it was raining heavily in his side as opposed to my side which by the way is just around the corner.

Cases 1 and 3 were courteous enough to have their managers call and apologize and discuss the issue. But am I just jinxed with home deliveries or is something seriously wrong with the customer service nowadays? I feel the customer is no longer treated as valuable because most of these eating joints seem to think they'll still have people call them, even if they lose a customer or two to bad service. Also what is with the terrible phone customer service? Even with phone banking (yet another bad experience I'm not going to get into now.) What we really need now is for a facility whereby we can talk to the same person we spoke to from our very first call rather than having to explain our issue from scratch over and over. And no, complaint numbers or reference ids do not help. I'm waiting for a genius to come up with this.

Or am I really jinxed with home deliveries?
    

Why you could hate Mumbai

I write this with a heavy heart because what I'm going to talk about here is a matter I've been trying to postpone for a while now. I have tried to avoid writing about it because I'm the kind of person who feels that words have a stronger impact when put down in writing. And once I put all of this down, it's like I've said it out loud and it's out there in the open. It's real.

I moved to Mumbai around 4 years ago and I went from absolutely hating the city to loving it. I was greeted with a bad monsoon season, when I walked home from the station in thigh-deep water. I was introduced to selfishness at a whole new level at the train stations, and just generally everywhere. But soon enough, the city grew on me. As it does on almost everyone. It has this capacity to take you in and transform your extreme feelings of hate into extreme feelings of love.

However, today I see this city, and when I say city remember that I am talking more about the people, in a new light. Older today, having adult responsibilities and changed priorities has led me to feel for this place much differently. I am no longer the young, energetic dreamy-eyed girl who was ready to fight for her day to pan out well, in the way that you have to in Mumbai.

Couple of months back when the parents were in town we ventured out to buy a car. The siblings and I finally felt the need to drive and be able to move about as much as we can on our own. Little did we know what we were in for. I have always felt that Mumbai treats the people who live on rent very badly. Anybody who lives here on rent would know what I'm talking about. So here we are, people who live on rent, out to buy a car. If you live on rent, your leave and licence agreement IS your only address proof. But does that work? No. I have faced this problem even at the time of signing contracts for jobs or when I tried to apply for a driver's licence.

You've been living in the same house for four years, you have a legal leave and licence agreement, an NOC, police-verified registration and everything. But well, these documents do not work. The next document any place asks you for is your light/electricity bill which is obviously not in your name but in your owner's name! So that doesn't work either. You want to buy a car on EMI but the financiers will not approve your loan because they are not convinced about where you live or if you live here at all. And this when you've been living in Mumbai following all the rules, as a legal person on rent for 4 years. You've had your contract renewed at the end of every year legally, you've paid your 'brokerage' legally. Everything is legal.

You are the most unlucky person if you have a terrible owner who doesn't come to support you in such a time. And we were the unluckiest. However, one really well-connected and smart salesman at the car showroom and a few bucks put our two month long misery to an end. Mind you, we tried to do everything the right way. Being brought up in a country where rules are followed with absolute discipline has moulded us into fearfully moral people. But all of that needs to be unlearned if you need to get things done in India. This is the biggest and most unfair lesson I have learnt.

Now the car is here and in comes the 'rent person's' misery again. Where do we park it? Several incidents of scrapes and unnatural dents had convinced me that there was a major conspiracy against us and our new car. How else would you explain the coconut only falling on our car when it is parked at a particular spot on two separate occasions, and it never happening to anyone else from the building parking their car at the same exact spot? This morning's latest incident ascertained my conspiracy theory fully.

The watch man cum man-who-washes-our-cars rang the door bell. I couldn't understand exactly what he was saying but I figured he was talking about our car. I got worried because I thought it was hit. While I was talking to the guy, I hear a woman standing on the platform of the floor below yell - 'Yes he's talking about my car. Did you hit my car while trying to park it'? This was the conversation that followed then:

Me: No why would I do that? What are you talking about?
Lady: Of course I know you wouldn't do that knowingly. No body would hit anyone's car knowingly, I mean unknowingly.
Me: Oh wow, so smart you are. What I mean to say is that it was a difficult parking and we ensured we were extremely careful and I can assure you that we haven't hit your car.
(Realizing she's losing the battle, she suddenly says this)
Lady: There was no place in front of my car for your car to be parked so you PUSHED MY CAR BEHIND and then parked your car.
Me: Pushed your car? How? That's not even technically possible and do I look like I can push your car? And why would I do something that will cause damage to my car?
Lady: Yes you pushed my car to make place for your car.
Me: That doesn't even make sense, please listen to yourself. I have seen a lot of unnatural scrapes and dents happen to my car when it's been parked here and I keep telling my self that if I were the one responsible for doing that to someone else's car, I would definitely come by apologize and let them know. I'm that kind of a person because I know how it feels to have such a thing happen to your car.
(Understanding she was sounding dumb, THIS is what she decides to say, and so late in the conversation)
Lady: I saw it happen yesterday but I just didn't want to come out and fight because it was Lakshmi Pooja. It's an auspicious day for us.
Me: Unbelievable. You saw your car being hit by us and didn't come out and do anything about it? I find that extremely hard to believe.
Lady: Ya, that's my belief system.
Me: What kind of a person sees her car being hit in front of her eyes and does not come out to do something about it? How does it matter what day it is!? If it was me in your place I'd have come running out...
Lady: That's your belief system and the kind of person you are. It's my belief system to not do anything like that on an auspicious day.        
Me: In that case even today is an auspicious day, today is also a Diwali and a holiday for all of us. You couldn't come out last night because it was an auspicious day but you could come this morning which is also a festival day and make a baseless accusation.
Lady: That's my belief. Fine you're saying you haven't done it no..
Me: NEVER did it.
(She walks away)

Typical Indian thing to do, bring in religion and auspiciousness to make accusations and get away with things. People here are selfish. People make false and dumb accusations and defend all the wrong things they do by saying that's how it needs to be done in Mumbai. It's fine to not maintain lanes while driving, it's fine not to wear your seat belts, it's fine to continue to drive even if the signal is red. It's fine to try and squeeze your car/bike/rickshaw into that tiny little space that is just about enough for your car, even if that means you'll cause a huge traffic jam or scrape someone else's car. It's fine not to put on the indicators to show where you're turning, or worse not to pay attention to such an indication rightly put by someone else who cared to do things the right way.

It's fine to treat people who live on rent as outsiders because at the end of the day it's not their own home and they don't have equal rights as those people who own their own homes. It's fine to have dumb and unreasonable rules against expatriates and people who live on rent because they could be criminals. In the meantime, all the criminals, rapists and terrorists are getting away with all that they want to. It's those of us who want to do things the right way that get caught in a mess.

People need to stop justifying the wrong things they do. Here are some pointers:
1. Stop just going with the flow and breaking all the road rules just because that's what everyone does. Have you even tried the disciplined way?
2. Rented people are not living in their homes for free. They pay rent and are under a contractual agreement that is legal and deserves equal treatment. Get over the rigid class system you practice in your head.
3. Bursting fire crackers on the road is wrong. It puts lots of people's lives in danger. So just stop doing it. Fire crackers shouldn't be burst at all but if you still want to, the road is not the place. Pick a more sensible spot.
4. Just throwing things on the road or anywhere and littering is wrong. Put it in your bag or pocket till you can find a suitable place to dispose it.

Things that are wrong, are wrong. Understand and accept it and try to do something about it instead of just going with everything the way they are. If you can't do this, go outside, live in a foreign country, see how expatriates/outsiders/foreigners are treated. See how the local population of the country co-exist and respect their own people and people from outside. See how people drive, respect each other's personal spaces. See how seriously people take keeping their city and country clean and neat. Learn discipline.

You're wondering why I can't just leave the country myself if I feel so much hate right? One, lots of practical and existential reasons force me to live here, in my own country. Two, I don't want to leave just because of all this bad. I want to stay and help make it better. In my own small ways. 

Be a Real Hero

There is nothing heroic or altruistic about making a sacrifice and letting go of something or someone you really, truly love. Stop trying to compare your very normal, timid human existence with that of our brave soldiers fighting day in and out at the border to protect people and keep the country safe. That, is an act of altruism. Not you living in the false belief that you have made a sacrifice, by listening to the people who discouraged and demotivated you to pursue a career where your heart actually still lies; or asked you to leave the woman your heart really pines for just because of factors like caste, religion etc. You have made no sacrifice, you have just let go.

If you have let society and people tell you what is best for you and have complied, you simply are a person with no mind of your own. You have a weak personality and sense of self. You have done no sacrifice that is going to yield some greater, bigger good much later in your life or in your next birth. If you did not have what it takes to fight for what you love, you are no soldier. And no, repeated acts of such sacrifices do not make people want to sympathise with you or make you a braver, more altruistic soldier. In fact you are only proving time and again, how weak a person you are; how inconsistent and unreliable you are.

Have a better story to tell your kids someday. Have a chain of stories of how you fought for the course you wanted to study when everyone else stood against you, how you fought for the career you wanted to pursue when no body supported you, of how you fought for the city you wanted to settle in when everyone else said it was a bad idea, of how you fought for the woman you love without letting go of her and keeping her in your life when the world tried to work against you.

Have such stories of heroism to tell so your kids look up at you like you are a true hero who fought to keep everything you love in your life. Have such stories to tell so your kids look up at you like we look up at the soldiers who fight for us bravely everyday. Every kid loves a superhero and does not want to listen to how you made sacrifices over and over and let go of things dear. That's a boring sob story that no body wants to listen to.
   

Loving through hate and hating through love

I remember all along when I was growing up how my parents would say that the music of our generation was trash. They would compare it to the music of their times and explain how the quality of music, lyrics and everything had deteriorated. I would argue with them saying that the music had only gotten better and that they were just getting old and less open to change.

While I made those arguments back then I also remember making a promise to myself of how I'd never let time get the better of me, how I'd never make such statements to my kids, and instead adapt to and value the new music and all the new kinds of things that might come around in my life. Here I am, only 24 and no kids, and I can already not seem to understand how much of the music that is created today, and enjoyed by the younger people of today, even qualifies as music. Don't even get me started on some of the lyrics.

But no, I'm not going down that road because the truth is that as much as I feel that way, I also feel that there are still some artists that make some beautiful music. Although now it seems like this post is getting into that generation comparison zone, that really was not my intention.

I spent a lot of time on facebook today, after a really long time. I feel so updated about some people's lives all of a sudden, people who I had completely forgotten about. The timeline feature on my profile really took me down memory lane (hence all that generation scribble). It got me thinking of how a lot has changed. There are so many people I was close to at some point in the past who I don't even talk to anymore. How did that happen? People I worked with, who were then such a crucial part of my life, that I have absolutely no news of anymore. Some other people I deliberately cut off because the situation called for it, and so many new additions. I cringed a little bit inside seeing some of the pictures and some of the people I associated myself with. What was I thinking? Certain pictures of certain people made me feel a pinch of regret on so many levels - from downright superficial to unimaginable depth.

This whole facebook awakening might sound really funny and stupid but I was amazed at how it reflected so strongly to me, who I was and who I am now. While on the macro level I could almost see so many things having changed like how the music between generations has changed, on the micro, more individual level, I was struck with nostalgia. I was made to realize how much I've changed as a person, how much I've grown up, how I've done a lot of things I said I'd never do, how I am regretting, very cheerfully however, certain things and how I'm so happy for so many things.  Despite everything I've said, done or promised myself, I love how I've opened myself to all the change that's come my way - in terms of people, places, work, situations, everything.

I'm so curious to see where life takes me and all of us from here.