What got me happy high today? This.

I cannot stress enough the importance of watching Udta Punjab to everyone I know - near, dear and far. I went to a first day first show this morning and was rather disappointed at how the hall was nearly empty. So here I am trying to do my little part of spreading the word, trying to add to the film's word of mouth as much as I possibly can.

I often stand out as being boring or "granny-like" when I talk about the so-called milder, "natural" substances as being gateway drugs. I get reactions of this kind - we know to draw the line at natural. And trust me when I say such conversations come up so easily nowadays that I sometimes get worried about the future of our race. I studied Psychology for five years and went on enough psychiatric facility visits during that point in my life to understand the seriousness of substance abuse. It almost always starts mild and less passionately, like a lot of other things in life.

In terms of film-making, nothing about the film left me disappointed. But while it must be appreciated for its technical aspects, I urge everyone to also watch it for the experiences of the characters it portrays, especially under the influence of abuse. I have known about these experiences all along and yet like every time back in school and college when I would get emotionally disturbed by what I learnt or saw, today, this movie left me just as disturbed. No form of substance abuse should be justified, irrespective of what kind of substance is in question, how often it is being taken or what made one start.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I would love for us to translate and apply the lessons we learn from such well-made films, off-screen in our personal lives. The movie talks about substance abuse through many dimensions both personal and political while still managing to drive home a valuable and beautiful point - the sanctity of personal choice.

I took that with me when I walked out of the cinema hall among many other points, and I really hope everyone who watches the film gets to have this take-away just like me. Why is that important? Because while Udta Punjab is about Punjab, it is generally and universally relevant too. And that is an unfortunate thing.

I am Jinxed with Home Deliveries

Before I get down to the post, I'd like to say that I am deeply ashamed that my last post was over a year ago! Time flies they say and the truth is that the last year has gone by so fast. It's now almost two weeks since my birthday and among other things I have sworn to do this year, I swear to write more frequently here.

***

The last month and a half has been a bad one for me, at least in terms of home deliveries. Every home delivery I placed for food (and a debit card) reached me really late or never came. I've had to put up fights and use the line 'Is this how you treat your customer?' some fifty times at least. I've put down some of these major incidents with as brief an explanation on how they occurred.

Case 1: Carter's Blue
It was one of those weekends when the brothers and I were mostly home and we also had some friends over. I ordered for chicken shawarmas from Carter's which is only 20 minutes away from where I live. It was 45 minutes since I placed the order and when I called to find out the status of my delivery, I was told that the guy just left. I asked him why he only just left when the norm is a 45-minute delivery and he said it was a busy day. But my order never came even half hour after I called. Furious, I called up again and was told this time that the guy is probably lost and does not have credit on his phone to call me. I yelled at him for not having called me back to tell me this and asked for the delivery boy's number. He gave me the wrong number the first time and when I called again for the number I told him that I wasn't going to pay the bill given how awful they've been. This was followed by me calling the delivery guy several times to explain the address and the order finally reached us a good 2 hours after we had placed it. It takes basic common sense to go get your phone recharged if you are out of credit. It also is the restaurant's responsibility to ensure their delivery boys have sufficient credit on their phone. I can go on.

Case 2: 5 Spice
This was a Sunday afternoon and the 5 Spice in question is the one at Oshiwara. While I agree that Oshiwara to Amboli is a bit of a distance, it definitely isn't like Andheri to Vasai. An hour since the order was placed and no sign of it. Several calls have been made and all we were told was lies ranging from the delivery boy left more than 10 minutes back to he has many orders, to it's very far so it will take time. We told the guy that we won't be paying the bill and he argued with us saying it wasn't their fault but the fault of the delivery boy. We reasoned with him saying delivery boy's fault was his fault in the bigger picture. When the delivery boy finally reached over 2 hours since we ordered, he looked petrified. When we paid him less than half the bill he refused to leave saying they would take it out of his pocket and that it wasn't his fault as they only gave him the delivery 20 minutes back. He told us that this was something he was put through every day. I honestly did not know who was lying. While I did feel bad for the delivery boy, was I a happy customer? No. We gave him our number and told him that if it really wasn't his fault and if they asked him to put our bill from his pocket when he gets back, he could call us and we'd help him out. He never called.

Case 3: Mc Delivery
This was very recent and it was one of those days when there was a slight unexpected drizzle in the city. The promised half hour delivery never reached and I received a call from a guy who told me that due to the 'heavy rains' my order was going to take another 15 minutes. Apparently, the bike broke down because of the heavy downpour. My order reached me a little over an hour and many conversations took place while I waited for my delivery and after. I asked them how they manage to deliver within half hour during the 4 months of monsoon and suddenly fail to deliver on a slight drizzle day. But he continued to lie that it was raining heavily in his side as opposed to my side which by the way is just around the corner.

Cases 1 and 3 were courteous enough to have their managers call and apologize and discuss the issue. But am I just jinxed with home deliveries or is something seriously wrong with the customer service nowadays? I feel the customer is no longer treated as valuable because most of these eating joints seem to think they'll still have people call them, even if they lose a customer or two to bad service. Also what is with the terrible phone customer service? Even with phone banking (yet another bad experience I'm not going to get into now.) What we really need now is for a facility whereby we can talk to the same person we spoke to from our very first call rather than having to explain our issue from scratch over and over. And no, complaint numbers or reference ids do not help. I'm waiting for a genius to come up with this.

Or am I really jinxed with home deliveries?
    

Why you could hate Mumbai

I write this with a heavy heart because what I'm going to talk about here is a matter I've been trying to postpone for a while now. I have tried to avoid writing about it because I'm the kind of person who feels that words have a stronger impact when put down in writing. And once I put all of this down, it's like I've said it out loud and it's out there in the open. It's real.

I moved to Mumbai around 4 years ago and I went from absolutely hating the city to loving it. I was greeted with a bad monsoon season, when I walked home from the station in thigh-deep water. I was introduced to selfishness at a whole new level at the train stations, and just generally everywhere. But soon enough, the city grew on me. As it does on almost everyone. It has this capacity to take you in and transform your extreme feelings of hate into extreme feelings of love.

However, today I see this city, and when I say city remember that I am talking more about the people, in a new light. Older today, having adult responsibilities and changed priorities has led me to feel for this place much differently. I am no longer the young, energetic dreamy-eyed girl who was ready to fight for her day to pan out well, in the way that you have to in Mumbai.

Couple of months back when the parents were in town we ventured out to buy a car. The siblings and I finally felt the need to drive and be able to move about as much as we can on our own. Little did we know what we were in for. I have always felt that Mumbai treats the people who live on rent very badly. Anybody who lives here on rent would know what I'm talking about. So here we are, people who live on rent, out to buy a car. If you live on rent, your leave and licence agreement IS your only address proof. But does that work? No. I have faced this problem even at the time of signing contracts for jobs or when I tried to apply for a driver's licence.

You've been living in the same house for four years, you have a legal leave and licence agreement, an NOC, police-verified registration and everything. But well, these documents do not work. The next document any place asks you for is your light/electricity bill which is obviously not in your name but in your owner's name! So that doesn't work either. You want to buy a car on EMI but the financiers will not approve your loan because they are not convinced about where you live or if you live here at all. And this when you've been living in Mumbai following all the rules, as a legal person on rent for 4 years. You've had your contract renewed at the end of every year legally, you've paid your 'brokerage' legally. Everything is legal.

You are the most unlucky person if you have a terrible owner who doesn't come to support you in such a time. And we were the unluckiest. However, one really well-connected and smart salesman at the car showroom and a few bucks put our two month long misery to an end. Mind you, we tried to do everything the right way. Being brought up in a country where rules are followed with absolute discipline has moulded us into fearfully moral people. But all of that needs to be unlearned if you need to get things done in India. This is the biggest and most unfair lesson I have learnt.

Now the car is here and in comes the 'rent person's' misery again. Where do we park it? Several incidents of scrapes and unnatural dents had convinced me that there was a major conspiracy against us and our new car. How else would you explain the coconut only falling on our car when it is parked at a particular spot on two separate occasions, and it never happening to anyone else from the building parking their car at the same exact spot? This morning's latest incident ascertained my conspiracy theory fully.

The watch man cum man-who-washes-our-cars rang the door bell. I couldn't understand exactly what he was saying but I figured he was talking about our car. I got worried because I thought it was hit. While I was talking to the guy, I hear a woman standing on the platform of the floor below yell - 'Yes he's talking about my car. Did you hit my car while trying to park it'? This was the conversation that followed then:

Me: No why would I do that? What are you talking about?
Lady: Of course I know you wouldn't do that knowingly. No body would hit anyone's car knowingly, I mean unknowingly.
Me: Oh wow, so smart you are. What I mean to say is that it was a difficult parking and we ensured we were extremely careful and I can assure you that we haven't hit your car.
(Realizing she's losing the battle, she suddenly says this)
Lady: There was no place in front of my car for your car to be parked so you PUSHED MY CAR BEHIND and then parked your car.
Me: Pushed your car? How? That's not even technically possible and do I look like I can push your car? And why would I do something that will cause damage to my car?
Lady: Yes you pushed my car to make place for your car.
Me: That doesn't even make sense, please listen to yourself. I have seen a lot of unnatural scrapes and dents happen to my car when it's been parked here and I keep telling my self that if I were the one responsible for doing that to someone else's car, I would definitely come by apologize and let them know. I'm that kind of a person because I know how it feels to have such a thing happen to your car.
(Understanding she was sounding dumb, THIS is what she decides to say, and so late in the conversation)
Lady: I saw it happen yesterday but I just didn't want to come out and fight because it was Lakshmi Pooja. It's an auspicious day for us.
Me: Unbelievable. You saw your car being hit by us and didn't come out and do anything about it? I find that extremely hard to believe.
Lady: Ya, that's my belief system.
Me: What kind of a person sees her car being hit in front of her eyes and does not come out to do something about it? How does it matter what day it is!? If it was me in your place I'd have come running out...
Lady: That's your belief system and the kind of person you are. It's my belief system to not do anything like that on an auspicious day.        
Me: In that case even today is an auspicious day, today is also a Diwali and a holiday for all of us. You couldn't come out last night because it was an auspicious day but you could come this morning which is also a festival day and make a baseless accusation.
Lady: That's my belief. Fine you're saying you haven't done it no..
Me: NEVER did it.
(She walks away)

Typical Indian thing to do, bring in religion and auspiciousness to make accusations and get away with things. People here are selfish. People make false and dumb accusations and defend all the wrong things they do by saying that's how it needs to be done in Mumbai. It's fine to not maintain lanes while driving, it's fine not to wear your seat belts, it's fine to continue to drive even if the signal is red. It's fine to try and squeeze your car/bike/rickshaw into that tiny little space that is just about enough for your car, even if that means you'll cause a huge traffic jam or scrape someone else's car. It's fine not to put on the indicators to show where you're turning, or worse not to pay attention to such an indication rightly put by someone else who cared to do things the right way.

It's fine to treat people who live on rent as outsiders because at the end of the day it's not their own home and they don't have equal rights as those people who own their own homes. It's fine to have dumb and unreasonable rules against expatriates and people who live on rent because they could be criminals. In the meantime, all the criminals, rapists and terrorists are getting away with all that they want to. It's those of us who want to do things the right way that get caught in a mess.

People need to stop justifying the wrong things they do. Here are some pointers:
1. Stop just going with the flow and breaking all the road rules just because that's what everyone does. Have you even tried the disciplined way?
2. Rented people are not living in their homes for free. They pay rent and are under a contractual agreement that is legal and deserves equal treatment. Get over the rigid class system you practice in your head.
3. Bursting fire crackers on the road is wrong. It puts lots of people's lives in danger. So just stop doing it. Fire crackers shouldn't be burst at all but if you still want to, the road is not the place. Pick a more sensible spot.
4. Just throwing things on the road or anywhere and littering is wrong. Put it in your bag or pocket till you can find a suitable place to dispose it.

Things that are wrong, are wrong. Understand and accept it and try to do something about it instead of just going with everything the way they are. If you can't do this, go outside, live in a foreign country, see how expatriates/outsiders/foreigners are treated. See how the local population of the country co-exist and respect their own people and people from outside. See how people drive, respect each other's personal spaces. See how seriously people take keeping their city and country clean and neat. Learn discipline.

You're wondering why I can't just leave the country myself if I feel so much hate right? One, lots of practical and existential reasons force me to live here, in my own country. Two, I don't want to leave just because of all this bad. I want to stay and help make it better. In my own small ways. 

Punish. Right about NOW.

I write this with a heavy heart. It's two days since the girl, victim of the brutal Delhi gang rape died and I'm not completely over it. I am sad that she had to die before she could see something happen to the men who killed her. What saddens me more is that two days after her death, nothing has still been done to them.

I feel helpless at this point because I'm not in a position of authority to do something about the situation. News channels can have numerous debates about the issue, we can continue to protest peacefully, but none of it has really helped yet. Something really extreme needs to be done to the six men who raped and murdered the young girl right about now. This is the only immediate solution to the problem. We the people, the government, etc. etc. can then sit down and make the relevant laws to tackle such a situation that could, God forbid, arise in the future. But for right now, precisely right now, what India and the rest of the world wants is to see the men being punished.

This is the only thing that is going to make us feel secure. This is the only thing that is going to make us women feel like we live in a safe country. This is the only thing that is going to stop more shameless men who are out there, some of whom have the audacity at this sensitive moment, to still rape women and still molest women in buses, to stop. We cannot wait any longer. Right now is the time.   

Delhi was always known to be unsafe for women but thanks to this incident I can only imagine how much harder it's going to be for young girls and women to live life on their own terms from now on. I was in Delhi on holiday during the week this rape happened. My poor NRI parents had sleepless nights till I was back in Mumbai. I cannot imagine then what it must be like for all the girls and women who actually live there. I saw in one of the discussions on a news channel how people were suggesting to employ women guards in buses, trains, outside girls hostels and other such places on a 24*7 basis. While I agree that this could be a step in the right direction I cannot overlook the fact that this could mean the end of good days for the female race in India.

Why must we be curbed from going out and having a good life just because men think they have the right to rape us and get away with it? We must be allowed to live our lives just like men are allowed to live theirs. And for this, since clearly a lot of men out there are chauvinists and do not have a  conscience, we need to see the men of the above mentioned case, that the whole country has taken personally, being punished severely. I suggest chemical castration followed by hanging them. While we will as women do everything we can on our parts to change mind sets of all the men and women we personally know in our lives, we need this to be done to the above murderers so that we have an example of such a case to reassure us.

We need this so that as parents and families impose more and more restrictions on our lives with unreasonable curfews and curb our independence, we can look at them and reassure them that such things will not happen anymore thanks to how the accused of the Delhi gang rape were dealt with. We need this so that we can roam the streets if we wish to with absolute confidence irrespective of what time it is. We need this so that the next time we're in a situation where we feel a man is misbehaving with us, we can remind him of what happened to the men of the Delhi gang rape case. All we are desperately yearning for is an example to reassure us of our right to live a normal life.

While we rant on and on about changing mind sets, what is the solution to deal with men whose mind sets cannot be changed and are out there living as a threat? God knows what made such men this way, their socialization, childhood traumatic experiences, or whatever it may be, I feel horrible for their families. But the fact is that there is definitely a whole lot of them whose minds cannot be changed. Such minds need to be instilled with fear. The thought of their bodies being castrated and then being  made to die a slow, painful death should haunt them every time they even dare to look at the opposite sex with disrespect.