So, judge me not!!

We all know what is best for us. We've learned this from our experiences.

You might not be that person in class who is outwardly excited about everything. You might not be that person who is passionate about something and makes an obvious exhibition of it. You might be comparatively passive BUT that does not mean you are not interested. That does not mean you are not here for a reason.

Would you rather be an all talk, no work person or someone who talks less, but shows though her actions?

Someone said, 'I really don't understand how and why some people are even doing this course...they don't deserve it.' Who are we to decide if someone deserves something or not? Maybe that person has plans for himself, that he does not want to make aware to you. Maybe that person has so much talent but has something else going seriously wrong in his life...and hence he looks less deserving to you.

At the end of the day, we all have a reason for being the way we are. We all behave the way we do because we know that behaving in a certain way works best for us.
If being loud about everything works for you, good for you. Being passive, probably works for someone else. Hence lets not make judgments about people.

Because, as far as your achievements in life go, your ends justify your means.

It's a give and take world, Senior!

Mother, Father, Teacher- thats the model of respect we've been taught to follow. From the time we were kids we've always been told to respect our elders. Not wrong. Atleast, not fully. Older people do deserve respect, for they are older than us...they have probably seen more of life than we have. They are wiser and hence we must try our best to respect what they tell us, and respect them.

But I think it is time we stop associating respect with age; and treat them as independent variables.

Can you blame me for not feeling the slightest feeling of respect for a teacher who is being unresonably cruel? Or a teacher who is so condascending that she/he constantly offends me? Or an old man who letches? Or an elderly woman who fights her way into the train, pulling other women's hair and yelling at everyone around her? Is such juvenile behaviour actually worth any respect?

Older people too behave in disrespectful ways. Wisdom does not necessarily manifest itself well in all older people. And just being young does not deny us the freedom to stand up for ourselves.

So the next time, an older person rolls her eyes, after doing something that does not deserve any respect, and says this-'Where is your respect? I'm older than you'...tell her that you give and take respect. It has nothing to do with being older or younger. I'll respect you if you respect me. Likewise, you only need to give me respect if I respect you.

Age does not really determine anything. Whether we are old or young, we are all human beings and have the right to be treated with respect.

Classical Conditioning it is!

We all need something to believe in. Something to give us hope, something to pull us up when we are sinking. For some of us its a firm belief in religion. For those of us atheists, its either Mother Nature or just some other force we know exists, but we are not yet sure what to call it. A daring few, believe in the power of demons. Many of us have strong trust in the powers of fate and destiny. Oh and how can we forget the belief in superstitions?

I stepped out of the house to go somewhere. I'm halfway down the stairs when I remembered I forgot my phone. I went running back to the house, only to get a good scolding from my mom. 'You mustn't come back to the house right after you've set out for something. Its a bad omen.' She made sure I sat for a few minutes before I left the house again. This apparently, wards off the bad omen.

There is this other friend who would leave home with a long list of things to do. She would be back having done some of it. It was interesting to listen to how she narrated what a horrible day she just had. One by one she would tell me of all the things that went wrong...at the end of it she would say, 'I know why it was such a bad day, I did not pray in the morning'.

We make associations. Its a human trait. When we've had a bad day, we relate it with all the things we did on the day. We even swear not to do those things again, lest we have another bad day. It is funny though how when we have a bad day and although we have prayed or done all the things that should make it good, we console ourselves saying we did not pray enough or did not do all the good things we ought to have done.

The Behaviourist school of Psychology explains this behaviour of making associations as Classical conditioning. Its perfectly fine to make such associations, we've just got to make sure that they don't become an obsession.

Let us however have more respect for other people's beliefs. If she believes she had a bad day because she did not pray, lets respect her belief. Whatever makes her happy. Lets not try and define other peoples happiness for them. Happiness is subjective. Whatever our belief system is, it really doesn't matter as long as it keeps us happy.

Get over it.

Modesty is a virtue.

She scored really well in her exam. She stepped out of the class room and could not shut up about it. She repeated herself a million times, each time making the story sound slightly different, but the moral being that her professor complemented her intelligence. Some poeple at least get over it in a day. The ones who irritate the most is that lot that goes on about their achievement for days.

You did well, you deserve to be acknowledged. But after you've recieved the acknowledgemnt that you rightly deserve, stop going around publicising your achievemnt; especially with the same group of people who've already acknowledged you. All the happiness and adoration that people genuinely feel for you will vanish into thin air, if you do not stop blowing your trumpet!

When you have it, flaunt it. Yes, very rightly said. In this competitive world there is no place for people who have it but do not flaunt it enough. 'Enough' being the key word here. To get noticed, a certain amount of flaunting is essential. But there is a way of doing it. In fact more than the way of doing it, is the amount of doing it. Too little is usless as you will always go undiscovered but too much is plain annoying. And you can be loathed for it.

Some people can behave in ways that make you wonder if they have a heart. This is that group of people who can't get over their out of the world achievemnt and in order to make themselves feel better, they go about making the poor achievers feel unfortunate. What sort of happiness do such people get from tearing someone else down? Such a blatent display of low self esteem!

Flaunting is an art. And it can be learnt.

To hell with no expectations!

How often have we gone to watch a movie, expecting it to be good and walked out completely depressed? Or gone to a party hoping it would be wonderful but ended up wishing we stayed at home? Or gone to a new place, for a new beginning but it turned out you hate the place? How many times have we joined a course or college, happy we are fulfilling one of our dreams but ended up realizing its everything except what we want?

Many of us are faced with such harsh circumstances. In more serious situations, like some of the latter from above, we end up being stuck in the situation. We cannot get out of it because now that we are in it, we might as well finish what we got into it for.

We have expectations about people and places. When things do not live up to our expectations, we break. We cannot come to terms with it. And these hard times that we are put through, sharpen our pessimistic sides. We see no point in being optimistic about life anymore because the way we see it, almost every time we are positive and expecting only the best, we are let down.

The most simple piece of advice that people will give is to stop expecting. Really? I wish that was possible. It is human to expect that a much talked about movie, restaurant or party is going to blow your mind away. It is human to expect that a well reputed institution will give you everything it promises to. It is human to expect your best friend to tell you when she has a new boyfriend. It is human to expect that your loved ones will be there for you when you need them the most. We cannot stop expecting. In fact, why should we? What is wrong with expecting?

What we should do is to strive hard, within our reach to make sure expectations are lived up to. Now, that is a better piece of advice and definitely more humanly possible.

Its my turn now.

You like some one. Its killing you to tell him that. You think he is kind of giving you the signal too, that he likes you. You're thinking, if he likes you why can't he come up to you and tell you so. Why do you have to be the one to say it first?

Sounds familiar? A very normal thought process that messes with our heads when we are in the courtship phase of a prospective relationship. Gone are those days when a man's chivalry was proved if he was brave enough to ask the woman out. Today we live in a world where men and women are equal. Its not the man's job anymore.

In this context comes the theory of turns. Here's how it works. You like someone. The first stage is the one that involves just the eyes. Its all about the eye contact. You start looking at him. If he is looking back at you and this goes on for a bit, he sure as hell feels something for you too. You gave the first signal here. So if he is really interested now, its his turn to make that obvious. After he does whatever it is, its your turn again. And the giving each other 'signs' thing goes on.

If you think this has to work as a continuous, alternate, your turn-my turn thing, then you've got it all wrong. The point is, you can't be the only one trying to do something to make it work. It has to be two way, and that is how we function. We not-so-generous human beings always want something in return.

Think about it...would you just go on giving 'signs' to someone you like without getting anything in return? Hell no! If you sense disinterest from him, you are bound to stop giving signs eventually. The last thing any of us wants is to look like a desperate fool.

I'm sure I've left you wondering...So whose turn is it now?

Drama, anyday!

It is human nature to crave for the things we do not have and the moment we get them to moan about calling them upon ourselves.

The majority of us love drama. We absolutely love it when things take a dramatic turn in our lives, a little hay wire is only enjoyed more.

Take this conversation for example:
'I'm so bored now, I cannot live with myself. How I wish I did not break up!'
'Oh my,you have no idea what you're saying. He treated you like a door mat. I'm so glad you are out of it.'
'Well yes, but you know, now that I don't have him I'm starting to realise that I liked my life more when he was in it. He gave me shit, but then at least something was happening in my life. He made me cry, we fought... but my life was eventful.'

I could not believe this. Here was a person who just got freedom from a bondage that could have scarred her for life (and maybe already has in tiny ways)sitting next to me, telling me she wants it all back! Seriously? Why in the world would anyone want to get back into something that was full of lame fights and arguments, which at the end of the day made her feel horrible?

Soon enough I realized why. She missed the attention she was showered with. She missed being the reason to mess up some body else's mood and day. She missed having so much control and power over some one else. She missed being such an important part of someone else's life.

People will tell you being single is the most sensible way to be. If yes, then why are all these people in relationships? If it really is so sensible, I say walk out of your relationship. But no. One relationship after the other, they go on and on to have more.

Apart from the fact that as humans we have it in us to love and be loved, we also thoroughly love the drama that enfolds when we are in a relationship. Even if it makes us feel miserable, we would still rather have the drama than not have any of it at all. Please, don't deny this!